Support Resource Guide · Chasing the Rainbows
How to Support Someone With
Infertility
One in six people struggle with infertility. If someone you love is on an infertility journey — IVF, IUI, fertility treatments, or years of trying — your support matters more than you know. Choose a section below.
Understanding What Infertility Really Feels Like
Infertility is defined as the inability to conceive after twelve months of trying — or six months for women over 35. One in six couples is affected. It can involve failed IVF cycles, IUI attempts, unexplained infertility, PCOS, endometriosis, and recurrent pregnancy loss.
What all of them share is grief — the grief of a life not yet born, a family not yet formed, a future that feels uncertain. Infertility is not just a medical condition. It is an emotional experience that touches every part of a person's identity, relationships, and sense of self.
Understanding that is the foundation of good support. You do not need to fix it — you need to witness it.
What to Say — 10 Things That Help
"I am here for you no matter what happens."
"I cannot imagine how hard this is. You are incredibly strong."
"I am thinking of you during this cycle."
"You do not have to update me — but I am here whenever you want to talk."
"What would feel most helpful right now?"
"Your feelings make complete sense. This is so hard."
"I love you and I am not going anywhere."
"Is there anything practical I can do during treatment?"
"I am proud of you for how you are handling this."
"Your worth has nothing to do with whether you can have a baby."
What NOT to Say — 10 Things That Hurt
"Just relax and it will happen."
Infertility is a medical condition. Relaxing does not cure it.
"Have you tried [insert suggestion]?"
They have. Trust they are working with their doctors.
"Maybe it's not meant to be."
This is devastating to hear from someone who loves you.
"You can always adopt."
Adoption is not a consolation prize for everyone.
"At least you have time."
Time does not make infertility hurt less.
"I got pregnant so easily!"
Never share this with someone struggling to conceive.
"Have you thought about donor eggs?"
Only raise options they have not already mentioned.
"Maybe it's for the best."
There is nothing best about this for them right now.
"Everything happens for a reason."
Not helpful. Not comforting. Full stop.
"When are you having kids?"
Never ask anyone this. You never know who is struggling.
Practical Ways to Support Someone Through Fertility Treatment
- 🍲Bring food on injection days or retrieval days — fertility treatment is physically and emotionally exhausting.
- 🚗Offer to drive to appointments — many procedures require sedation and they cannot drive home alone.
- 📦Send a care package during a difficult cycle — cozy items, snacks, a candle, a card with their name.
- 💬Do not make every conversation about infertility — sometimes they just want to talk about something else.
- 📱Text on test result day — "I am thinking of you today" even without knowing the result yet.
- 📣Be mindful of pregnancy content around them — announcements, baby showers, and posts on social media.
- 🤝Share Chasing the Rainbows — free infertility support groups and therapy at ChasingTheRainbows.org.
- ⏳Keep showing up long term — infertility journeys can last years. Consistency means everything.
How to Handle Pregnancy Announcements Around Them
If you are pregnant and someone you love is struggling with infertility — tell them privately before any public announcement.
"I wanted to tell you privately before I share publicly — I am pregnant. I love you and I know this is hard and I understand completely if you need space."
This gives them the chance to process privately rather than be blindsided at a family dinner or on social media. They may still feel grief. That is okay. They love you and they are happy for you — and they are also grieving. Both things are true at the same time.
After the announcement — do not stop including them. Do not disappear because it feels awkward. They need your friendship now more than ever.
Supporting Through a Failed IVF Cycle or Negative Test
When a cycle fails or a test comes back negative the grief is acute and real. Do not minimize it. Do not rush to silver linings. Do not immediately say "you can try again."
1
Just say "I am so sorry. I am here. I love you."
Nothing more is needed in that moment. Sit with them in the grief without trying to fix it.
2
Give them space to grieve without pressure
Do not rush them toward recovery or silver linings. Let them feel what they feel.
3
Check in a few days later
The days after a failed cycle when initial support fades are often the hardest and loneliest.
4
Keep checking in through whatever comes next
They may try again or they may decide to stop. Both paths deserve your unconditional support.
Free Support Resources — Share With Someone You Love
If someone you love is navigating infertility — share Chasing the Rainbows with them. Every program is completely free.
🤝
Infertility Support Groups
Free, daily, for every stage of the infertility journey.
💙
Individual Therapy
Free, specialized therapists who understand infertility grief.
👥
Peer Mentorship
Free, someone who has walked this exact road before.
📦
Care Packages
Free, shipped directly to their door with no strings.
